Day of the Turkey Review: Jennifer's Body

This is the best movie I'll be reviewing today.

 Jennifer's Body (2009)
Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Megan Fox, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody, and J.K. Simmons
Director: Karyn Kusama
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

When an evil indie band sacrifices popular high-school girl Jennifer (Fox) to Satan in exchange for fame and fortune, they should have listened to her best friend (Seyfried) when she told them Jennifer had lied about being  a virgin. Their sacrifice returns from the dead as the vessel demon who must consume the body and souls of her classmates.

"Jennifer's Body" is actually a better movie than I had been led to believe. It had been described to me by someone whose opinion I usually trust as "a badly done and dull high school chick-flick jazzed up with a killer demon." 

While I guess I can see the chick-flick aspect--the driving force at the heart of the film is the relationship between "Needy" and Jennifer, a relationship so close and full of love that it survived even the destruction of Jennifer's soul and "tainted" the demon that had taken her body--I hardly found it to be badly done. While it didn't really contain any surprises, but what's here is well executed, the actors all give a good accounting of themselves, and the script moves forward at a steady and logical pace.

Of course, it could be that I like this film better than many horror films with a high school setting because I could actually recognize the characters in it. This is one of the very few high school movies where the characters and their interactions rang true to me. I even recall saying some of the lines uttered by characters in the film.

All that said, I can see why it was described to me as "dull." Even before Jennifer decided to tell her former BFF what had prompted the transformation in her, I found myself wishing the film would get to the point where "Needy" kills her/releases her soul and somehow takes revenge on the men who turned her best friend into a monster. Yes... the film is about a flesh-rending demon on a rampage in a small-town high school--and it's a pretty good one as far as that goes--but there was another story I was more intererested. And that story wasn't where the film's focus was. The revenge seemed like it needed to be part of the story, because there was such a close relationship between Jennifer and "Needy"... it, unfortunately, the film ends without delivering on that.

Well, sort of. Stick around for the end credits, and you'll see what bumped this review from a Four-rating to a Five. Better late than never, as they say... and proof that a satisfying ending really does color the perception you walk away from a movie with.

If you end up watching 'Wrong Turn', you may have chosen badly.

Welcome to the first Wrong Turn Wednesday... even if I'm already starting to regret the decision to watch and reveiw these flicks as part of the build-up to Halloween..

Wrong Way (2002)
Starring: Desmond Herrington, Eliza Dushku, Emmanuelle Chriqui, and Jeremy Sisto
Director: Rob Schmidt
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A group of twenty-something beautiful people are stalked and brutally murdered by mutant cannibal hicks in the deep woods of West Virginia.

If you've seen even one killer redneck movie, you've already seen everything "Wrong Way" has to offer. They may do it better here--depending on what film you watched--but it brings nothing new to this slasher film sub-genre. The characters you expect to survive do so, and the characters you expect to get killed fall in predictable order. The film feels like the writers and director were working form a list of check boxes of genre tropes and once they got them all included, they felt their work was done.

There is nothing all that good about this film, but there is also nothing outright awful. The scene in and around the old observation tower is the high point of the movie (hurh-hurh... I made a pun), but it is nowhere enough to elevate this cookie-cutter, lazy genre film above its mediocre status.

What's more, the good will that scene earns this picture evaporates during the its climax where the filmmakers show us that not only are they not terribly original, they don't know when enough is enough and subsequently manage to transform the final fight stand of the Beautiful People against the Hideous Hicks from thrilling to ludicrous.

(By the way, filmmakers... if you want to make a movie about mutant cannibal hicks who have murdered so many people that they have a whole glade full of cars, you might want to NOT have them start killing cops and forest rangers. I can kinda-sorta accept that everyday people might be written off... but when it's law enforcement that starts going down, my ability to suspend disbelief goes down, too.

Unless you simply can't get enough of malformed cannibals haunting the back-country of West Virginia, or are a founding member of the Eliza Dushku or Jeremy Sisto fan clubs, "Wrong Turn" is a film you can safely skip.

Could it perhaps be... SATAN?!

The Omen (aka "The Omen I: The Anti-Christ") (1976)
Starring: Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, David Warner, Billie Whitelaw, Patrick Troughton, and Harvey Stephens
Director: Richard Donner
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

Little Damien Thorn (Stephens) is the much-loved child of the American ambassador to Great Britain (Peck) and his beautifuul wife (Remick). Unfortunately, strange accidents and bizarre violence seems to follow Damien... and they'll only get worse, as Damien is the Anti-Christ come to usher in Hell on Earth!

"The Omen" is a moody, stylish horror film that is driven first and foremost by the great performances of its stars, and by a great use of locations and sets. Peck is particularly excellent as a man grounded in the modern, secular world who gradually comes to face the horrifying fact that his son is the earthly incarnation of ultimate evil. Thorn's search for the truth is one of the best best ever put on film, and the climactic scenes as he seeks to confront Evil and save the world is ne of the most chilling sequences in cinematic history.

Another important key to the atmosphere of horror in "The Omen" is the fantastic orchestral and choral score by Jerry Goldsmith. The music he composed for this film is some of the most recognizable ever written for a film, and some of the best of his career. It ranges from bombastic to skin-crawlingly creepy, but it always enhances to pall of darkness that permeates the film.

Every aspect of "The Omen" is of the highest quality, and it is a true horror movie classic.

It's a monster- infested house in space

Alien (1979)
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, and Yaphet Kotto
Director: Ridley Scott
Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

When space tug Nostromo responds to a distress signal, they find a derelict spaceship of unknown origin. During the exploration of wreckage, one of the tug's crew (Hurt) is attacked by an alien beast, and when they bring him back to the ship for medical attention, their problems really begin.


"Alien" is pretty much a perfect fusion of sci-fi and horror. It captures the mood of classic suspense and horror films, mixes it with classic science fiction movies, and brings forward its story with fantastic sets, and a horrific alien monster that picks off the ship's crew of likable characters (who are all being portrayed by exceptional actors), one by one, each in a more frightening and gory fashion than the previous one. The use of lighting and sound in this film are particularly marvelous, and they add even more to the scares in the film than the goopey gore effects do.

This is a film that lovers of horror and science fiction will both appreciate. (The "breakfast scene" and Warrant Officer Ripley's (Weaver) final confrontation with the alien menance are ones that have been imitated and lampooned dozens of times since "Alien" was first released in 1979, and they are classic cinematic moments that must be experienced.)

'Shutter' director didn't know when to quit

Shutter (2008)
Starring: Joshua Jackson, Rachel Taylor, and Megumi Okina
Director: Masayuki Ochiai
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

A fashion photographer (Jackson) and his wife (Taylor) are on a working honeymoon in Japan when his past literally comes back to haunt him. The ghost of a woman he dated years earlier (Okina) starts appearing in photos he takes and manifesting in increasingly threatening ways.


"Shutter" is for most of its running time a fairly decent ghost movie that is a nice cross-pollination between Western and Eastern ideas about the what, why, and how of hauntings and vengeful spirits. Unfortunately, it starts to break down as the story builds to the Great Reveal when the girlfriend is shown to have been dead for several years yet no-one has checked on her... despite the fact her front door has been standing open for all that time.

(I suppose one could argue that the ghost has been wandering around the house and neighborhood so no one knew she was dead. But does that mean she also went and got a job at another firm after she had died? What about friends and family? The way the discovery of Megumi's corpse was handled in the film was such an extreme example of bad writing that I've knocked off a whole point on the ratings scale.)

In all other aspects, the film is very well done. The filmmakers make a particularly excellent use of sound throughout the movie, using it to enhance suspense in subtle ways as well as during the film's few "Boo!"-type moments. The lighting and cinematography is likewise very well done. The script is also well-written, and I was particularly happy to see they did more with the denouement than the now-expected "let's toss in one more scare." (In fact, what you THINK is the denouement is actually the beginning of the film's true ending.)

The acting is all-around decent, although I would have liked to have seen a slightly more sympathetic and charming actor playing Ben Shaw, the photographer who is the focus of the ghost's attention. Joshua Jackson has a villainous air about hm that never quite allows the viewer to be on his side. If the actor playing Ben had been just a little more charismatic, the sense of horror and dread in this film would have been ar stronger, particularly at the end.

"Shutter" is worth seeing if you enjoy ghost movies, so long as you can accept an annoying instance of no one thinking a particular sequence through. It's high on creepiness but low on blood, so gore hounds should stay away. (Oh, and if you're sick of the whole "isn't long black hair really creepy?!?" standard in these sorts of movies, you'll be glad to hear that we DON'T have that particular trope to sit through here. We got the pale, barefooted ghost chick, but at least her hair isn't everywhere!)

'Predator' is true monster movie classic

Predator (1987)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Elpidia Carillo, and Jesse Ventura
Director: John McTiernan
Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

A group of ruthless mercenaries meet their match in the jungles of Central America when an alien big games hunter targets their spines for mounting in his trophy room.


"Predator" is the best fusion of horror and action ever put on screen. From the opening scenes to the final explosion, there isn't a moment of relief for the viewers or the battle-hardened killers who are stalked by an invisible menace.

Every actor featured gives a fine performance--with Schwarznegger and Weathers deserving particular mention--the Alan Silvestri musical score is perfectly complimentary to the action and horrifying moments on the screen, each action scene is perfectly staged, and the direction and camerawork remains tightly focused. Even the alien's hi-tech '"bird-call" device adds a dimension both of humor and horror to the film.

Fans of monster movies and action films alike should definately seek this classic out. It may have given rise to bad sequels and comic book spin-offs, but the original "Predator" film is a must-see. (And it remains to be seen whether the latest sequel measures up. But we'll know tomorrow.)

Happy Earth Day!

Does one wish people "Happy Earth Day"? Or does one just shrug one's shoulders at what started as an interesting way to raise awareness about conservation and pollution prevention, but that has now become an excuse for the likes of Al Gore to spread pseudo-science and neo-fascist politicians to push their outrageous "cap and trade" proposals.

At any rate, here's a movie you might be considering as viewing material for your Earth Day celebration. (Assuming you are so crass as to watch movies during your Earth Day celebration. You should just be frolicking naked in a grove of trees.)


The Happening (2008)
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Ashlyn Sanchez, and Betty Buckley
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

The trees are tired of humanity tying swings to their branches, cutting them down, and filling the air with the C02 that they need to survive, so they get together and start making a neuro-toxin that causes people to kill themselves.


If you take a 1950s-style monster movie and replace the giant animals or rampaging mutant dinosaur with poison-producing trees, you have "The Happening". You also have a monster movie that's about as visually thrilling as "The Sound of Terror" where the menace was invisible dinosaurs. (Actually, a little less so, because you don't even get Ingrid Pitt and Soledad Miranda putting their assets on display. All we get in this monster movie is Zooey Deschanel coming across like she's just woken up from a long nap, or as if she's on Oxycontin.)

With the exception of evoking the vibe of the classic monster movie, "The Happening" doesn't really do anything else. "Boring" is the best word to describe it, because it isn't anywhere near as clever and insightful as Shyamalan and anyone else involved with it thought it was. "The Host" or "Godzilla" have more coherent and better-delivered environmental messages than this one... not to mention more interesting monsters.

And then there's the problem that everyone in the picture is as wooden as the trees that menace them. (Except John Leguizamo, but I suspect he would hog a scene if he was hired to play a corpse.)

So, on this Earth Day, you can allow yourself to be lulled to sleep by the non-happening "The Happening" while weeping into your pillow that the DVD copies of the film will be in land fills for thousands of years before degrading.

Sutherland sees mysterious evil in 'Mirrors'

Mirrors (2008)
Starring: Keifer Sutherland, Paula Patton, Cameron Boyce, Erica Gluck, Amy Smart, Josh Shrapnel and Jason Flemyng
Director: Alexandre Aja
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A retired police officer (Sutherland) takes a job as the graveyard shift security guard in the burnt-out shell of a one-time upscape New York City department store, a structure that hides a number of dark secrets. He hasn't even finished his first shift before those secrets catch up with him by way of strange reflections in the mirrors at the building, his home, and everywhere he goes. He soon realizes that if he doesn't find the truth behind the events, everyone he loves will die.

"Mirrors" is another American (sort of... it was shot in mostly Romania and helmed by a French director) remake of a Korean spook-fest and this one is a little more successful than most. Although this is another tale of a curse/haunting that seems to spread like a bad case of herpes, the vector of transmission seems a little more reasonable than what we have in many other Asian horror films. For most of its running time it builds the tension nicely, as the haunting/curse gains strength and starts threatening and killing innocent people who the hero cares about to get him to do its bidding... and it's on track to being one of the better ghost movies of recent years.


But then it flies completely off the rails in the final act and transforms from a ghost movie into a third-rate monster movie that's more "Resident Evil" than "The Changeling" (or even "Puppet Master"). All the potential built up during the first 4/5th of the film is negated on an over-the-top ending and then tossed on the scrap-heap with a painfully predictable twist ending.

(When will these damn hacks learn that "surprise shock endings" aren't shocking anymore?! For God's sake, stop it! It's okay to end a movie when it's OVER! And if you feel the need to have a denoument, then how about giving us a real shocking surprise ending: End the movie with the monster vanquished and the hero uniting happily with his family!)

"Mirrors" is still a cut above most of what they pass off as horror films these days--it features a few truly surprising scares and a starteling gory death scene that will have even the most hardended gore-hound squirming in their seat, as well as strong performances by Keifer Sutherland as a man haunted both by his past and by his reflection in the mirror; by Paula Patton as his ex-wife; and by Cameron Boyce and Erica Gluck, a pair of more-talented-than-average child actors as their kids--but it has a terrible climax and ending that will almost ruin the whole thing for you.

(By the way, I think anyone who has ever worked night-shift security or who, after dark, has been the last one out of buildings or areas usually teeming with people will find this film scarier and easier to relate to than those who haven't been in situations like that. We know first first hand the creepiness of the open, shadow-filled spaces the film tries to convey, and we know how the imagination can run away if not kept carefully guarded.)

'The Legend of Hell House' is a perfect ghost movie

The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Starring: Roddy McDowall, Clive Revill, Pamela Franklin, and Gail Hunnicutt
Director: John Hough
Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

A parapsychologist (Revill) travels to Balasco House--also known as "Hell House" and reported to be the worst haunted house in the entire world--with his wife (Hunnicutt) and two psychics (McDowell and Franklin) in order to gain indisputable, scientific evidence for the existence of ghosts and other supernatural phenomena. But the evil that dwells within the sprawling mansion never gives up its secrets easily....


"The Legend of Hell House" is one of the greatest haunted house movies ever made. It works, first, because the director and cinematographer manage to convey the sense that the house itself is alive and a character in the movie, and, second, because of the great peformances of the stars, and, third, because it features a script so tight that not a single line of dialogue or action on the part of the characters doesn't feed into the suspense and horror of the film--horror that keeps mounting until the final twist at the movie's end.

This is a movie where everything is done right. The cinematography and lighting is supreme, the actors are all perfect in their parts--with Roddy McDowall as the reluctant psychic shining even brighter than the rest--and the pacing is perfect throughout.

I wish the producers and directors of moden horror movies (particularly ghost movies) would take a look at "Legend of Hell House". This film is far scarier than any ghost movie of recent vintage.