I'm not sure what's more hideous--the monster or the film itself

I am questioning the wisdom of deciding to do a Jess Franco Week here at Terror Titans.

Devil Hunter (aka "Sex Cannibal") (1980)
Starring: Ursula Fellner, Antonio Mayans, and Al Cliver
Director: Jess  Franco (as Clifford Brown)
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

When an actress (Fellner) is kidnapped and held for ransom, adventurer Peter Westen (Cliver) is hired to rescue her. But when she falls into the hands of savage natives who intend to sacrifice her to their vile, living god, Westen's job becomes far more difficult. Will he be in time before the monstrous devil-god drives her mad or eats her?

I wasn't more than 10 minutes in before "Devil Hunter" made me feel dirty for just watching it. It was suich a slasp-dash effort technically and the way the camera lingered on a shot of female genitalia made it clear what Franco was wanting emphasize. And that was before we got to the rapes and scenes of the Devil literally eating a woman's pussy.

I thought "Oasis of Zombies" had to be worst Franco film. I was wrong. This is movie's even worse. It's more sloppily put together, more chaotic in its story-telling, and even more embarrassing technically. It's like no effort whatsoever went into color correcting different bits of film, or even considering that shots of characters that are supposed to be together at the same time should be standing in the same light. is the worst Franco film. The pacing is glacially slow at all times, causing even the interesting bits to become tedious. And the Foley work is generally so awful that it's probably the worst seen outside a student project that received a failing grade.

And the soundtrack? Oh my God... the soundtrack! It's performed entirely on a Hammond organ, and it sounds like it was being ad-libbed as the film was running. It's everything you'd expect from a parody of a cheap horror film from the 1950s. (The score is credited to Franco himself, so I guess this means he's as good at slapping music together as he at a film.)

Amusingly, whoever did the English dub that I watched seemed to care as much about making a quality product as Franco did. At roughly the 1:10 mark, the characters stop speaking English and are instead speaking in Spanish. The English dub resumes at about the 1:17 mark. Fortunately, dialogue isn't that important, because there's no story to get in the way of the plot.

So why am I even giving Two Stars?

Because the scenes with the Devil were actually very creepy and even downright scary. If Franco could have done the entire movie this skillfully, he might actually have made something decent. The use of sound whenever the mutant cannibal devil is creeping about in search of some pussy to eat is damn effective. (Of course, it might also just seem so, because everything surrounding it is so ineptly done.)

The final 10-15 minutes of the film are also pretty intense. They are by far the best part of the movie, and I suppose Franco might have been keeping in mind that if you finish strong that's what the audience will remember, and they'll have a better opinion of the film than it deserves. On the other hand, it could just be an accident. Or maybe I had just been ground down by the rest of the film, and I had stopped fighting and was now accepting of my fate.

"Devil Hunter" has a running time of 1:47. Maybe if chopped down to 1:10 or maybe even just 50 minutes it could be bearable. As it stands, however, it's just a movie to be avoided.

'Succubus' is a confusing, confused mess

Jess Franco Week continues...

Succubus (aka "Necronomicon") (1967)
Starring: Janine Reynaud, Jack Taylor, and Adrian Hoven
Director: Jess Franco
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Lorna (Reynaud). the star of a successful S&M-themed nightclub act, begins having dreams so vivid they become indistinguishable from reality... and soon dream-murders are mirrored by deaths in the real world. Has she snapped mentally, or is her soul--and body--being stolen by something supernatural?

Often, the questions at the end of those little summary blurbs I open these reviews with is rhetorical. In this case, it's not. It's really isn't clear in "Succubus" what's going on. My best guess is that Lorna is a psychopath with a split personality--something which is supported by dream flashbacks to sessions with a psychiatrist, but equally undermined by the weirdness of the sessions. It may well be one of the most incoherent movies I've seen, as it drifts apparently randomly from scene to scene, most of which are populated with characters who spout random nonsense. In some ways, it felt more like one of Ed Wood Jr.'s film than most of the other Franco movies I've seen--and in this case I mean that as a compliment. The random "film-noir" style voice-overs and characters reciting lists of authors and filmmakers are particularly amusing.

The film's strong point is its engaging visuals, with strong colors and interesting camera angles. The random, free-form  atmosphere that permeates the way the film is put together is also engaging, and it's what ultimately earned it one more star that I was going to give it. Unfortunately, there isn't a scene in the film that doesn't go on for too long, and viewers will spend more time wishing that something else would happen than wanting to find out what's really going on. Even worse, those who patiently stick with the film in the hopes that it will coalese and reveal some answers and explain what the point of it is, will be very disappointed. If anything, the ending makes everything that has gone before make even less sense.

 Somewhere, in the bloated, disorganized mess that is "Succubus," is one of the hour-long episodes of "Night Gallery" screaming to be let out. It's trapped in Jess Franco's slapdash, self-indulgent film, however.

(On a historical note, this was Franco's first color film, as well as the first film he made after leaving his homeland of Spain in disgust over the censorship imposed on the arts by the dictatorship that had ruled there since his childhood.)

'The Bloody Judge' is one of Franco's greatest

Jess Franco week continues with another of Franco's best movies. It shows that the budget one has to work with can make a difference.

The Bloody Judge (aka "Throne of Blood", "Throne of the Blood Monster", "The Witch's Trial" and "Witch-killer of Broadmoor) (1970)
Starring: Christopher Lee, Leo Genn, Maria Rohm, Margaret Lee, Hans Hass, and Milo Quesada
Director: Jess Franco
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A hypocritical judge (Lee) illustrates why a little rebellion among the peasantry can be a good thing every now and then.

Loosely based on the final months of notorious and controversial historical 17th century British hanging judge George Jeffries, this film is one of the best works I've seen from Spanish director Jess Franco. The plot is coherent and engaging, the camerawork and sets are fairly decent, and there's actually a few well-staged action scenes. To top it off, the characters are even interesting... as repulsive as Jeffries comes across, he is emerges as a fascinating character... and Maria Rohm's pure-hearted peasant girl (who is forced to have sex with the vile Jeffries in exchange for her sister's life) is a character that the viewer can feel real pity for.

Unfortunately, the film also has all the hallmarks of some of other Franco's pictures, such as unnecessary torture scenes and nudity and just general crap thrown in to guarantee an R-rating at the very least. (Franco must have been the role-model for the fools who were in charge of "Snakes on a Plane" as far as that approach goes.)

Interestingly, this film would have been stronger if a scene that apparently was only included in the German-language version of the movie had been in all the edits. Although repulsive for some of its sexual/torture content, it does make some later part of the film seem a little less unmotivated plot-development wise.

This "lost" scene and other bonus material included on the "Blue Underground" DVD release of the picture actually makes up a very worthwhile package for fans and scholars of "exploitation cinema" and other B-movies. It's material that gives excellent insight into rare insight into the production and marketing processes that went into these multi-national European productions of the 1960s and 1970s. (Yeah, the liner notes are a little ridiculous--the reviewer who wrote them seems to hold Franco's body of work in much higher regard than a sane person should--and the interview with Christopher Lee makes him seem like a pompous ass, but it's all very interesting.)

It's so bad even the zombies are embarrassed to be in it

Well, Jess Franco Week here at Terror Titans got started with one of the man's best. Here's one of his worst.


Oasis of the Zombies (1981)
Starring: Actors who didn't want their real names on the film
Director: Someone who was too embarrassed to admit who he really was (even if the world now knows it was Jess Franco, making a worse-than-usual movie, even by the low expectations we have of him)
Rating: Zero of Ten Stars

Two competing groups head to a distant oasis in search of Nazi gold. They are eaten by Nazi zombies, who are guarding the treasure for who-knows-what-reason. These Nazi zombies are of a special variety of zombies who always fondle a woman's crotch while attacking her; they don't seem to do the same to their male victims, though. No siree, no homos in the Third Reich, not even among zombies! In the end, a pair of survivors, our cypherous hero and our bland heroine, discover the meaning of life... but they never do find the treasure.


Yes, I spoiled the movie by giving away the ending.

Actually, I can't really spoil it, because it's one of the absolute worst movies ever made. I wouldn't have thought someone could go wrong with Nazi zombies guarding a massive haul of loot... but leave it to Jess Franco to screw up a sure thing.

Don't get ANY of the standalone versions, even if they're probably copied from better quality prints than the one I viewed (which was included in "Chilling Classics" and was so faded at points it was impossible to see what was going on. Which was probably a blessing.)

I've written far more about "Oasis of the Zombies" than it deserves, but I feel it's my duty as a compassionate human being to warn the B-movie lovers of the world that in the case, the "B" stands for "Bowel-movingly Bad". Not even the sexy chicks in short-shorts and tight tops make this film worth watching.

Jess Franco almost at his best!

As I attempt to perform blogging necromancy on 'Terror Titans' in lead-up to the 31 Nights of Halloween festival I'm throwing next month, I welcome you to Jess Franco Week! Yes--nothing but reviews of movies from a gentlemen who loved filmmaking, spent his life making movies, and whose output ended up being less than impressive. Interestingly, Franco himself knew that most of movies were drek, and he widely acknowledged them as such. However, he also rightfully said that when he had appropriate time and budgets, he was able to create films that weren't entirely awful.

On that note, we start Jess Franco Week at high point.

The Awful Dr. Orlof (aka "Screams in the Night") (1964)
Starring: Howard Vernon, Diana Lorys, Conrado San Martin, Ricardo Valle, Maria Silva, and Perla Cristal
Director: Jess Franco (as "Jess Frank")
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A former prison doctor turned mad scientist (Vernon) is abducting party girls with the intent of grafting their skin onto the body of his daughter who was horribly burned in a fire. A none-too-bright Police Onspector (San Martin) is assigned to catch him, but it's the Inspector's lovely girlfriend (Lorys) who does much of the detective work to break the case... and then falls into the maniac's clutches.

If you've ever wondered what Hammer Films' celebrated gothic horror flicks would have looked like without the touch of an brilliant director like Terrence Fisher, you don't have to look any further than "The Awful Dr. Orlof".

What we have here is a film that's pretty damn good by the standards writer/director Franco sank to later in his career, but when compared to other entries in the gothic horror genre from the late 1950s and early 1960s, it's visually flat, unevenly plotted, and generally un-engaging due to the fact that we never get a real sense of how the various characters in the film fit together. Sure--we know the Inspector and his ballerina girlfriend are soul-mates, but why on earth do Dr. Orlof's henchmen stick with him? Why did he break them out of prison in the first place? And why is he using a blind man to help him with the killing--it's a creepy twist, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Without knowing the answers to these, we never really understand what motivates half the film's main characters... although it's clear Franco thinks we should empathize with them for some reason or another.

This film could have been a crushing bore if not for some fairly effectively staged murder scenes (featuring hints of the gratuitous nudity and sadism that is a hallmark of most of Franco's and the occasional visual flourish where Franco takes full advantage of the black-and-white medium. (The still above is taken from the very best of these... a scene so effectively lit and staged that it's what made me think of Fisher's efforts for Hammer Films.)

"The Awful Dr. Orlof" was not as bad as I had expected it to be, but there are far better films in this genre to check out before you get to this one. That said, I suspect Franco fans will love it, if they haven't already checked it out.

A Franco foul-up almost saved by unintentional comedy

Neurosis: The Fall of the House of Usher (aka "Revenge in the House of Usher" and "Zombie 5") (1982)
Starring: Howard Vernon, Robert Foster, Lina Romay, Jean Tolzac, Olivier Mathot, and Françoise Blanchard
Director: Jess Franco
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Dr. Alan Hacker (Foster) travels to the castle of his old professor, Dr. Usher (Vernon) where he quickly learns that his old teacher has gone mad. Aside from claiming that he is 200 years old, Usher is obsessed with resurrecting his dead daughter by giving her blood transfusions from girls he’s kidnapped.

With "Neurosis" (as the film was called in the on-screen titles even though the DVD case told me I was going to see "Revenge in the House of Usher"), Jess Franco manages to make himself look worse than usual. Not only does he do a half-assed job of adapting the classic Poe story "Fall of the House of Usher" but he uses 15-20 minutes of footage from one of the few good movies he's made--"Awful Dr. Orlof"--as a flashback sequence so the viewer can compare what he did in 1964 with what he did in 1981. 1981 Jess Franco does NOT look good when compared with 1964 Jess Franco.

The fault in using the old footage is embodied first in the character of "Morpho", Dr. Usher's blind (one-eyed?) assistant who is more in love with Usher's semi-undead daughter than even Usher. Morpho's make-up in the 1981 footage is pathetic when compared with the 1962 footage... when it should have been the other way around, given the improvement in the art in the two decades that passed between the production of the two films. Secondly, the old footage is simply better over all cinematography-wise. The shots are better composed and framed, more interestingly lit, and just more dramatic over-all.

As for the film overall, there is no logic to the story and the scenes appear to be strung together almost as random, with characters dropping in and out--like the horny stable boy; or important characters being introduced out of the blue in the third act--like Usher's wife, who may or may not be a ghost. We never do find out what she is or how she managed to creep around the castle without Usher's loyal housekeeper and would-be lover Helen seeing her (if she wasn't a ghost).

Speaking of Helen... if someone can explain her character arc to me, I will bow down to you as the superior reviewer. She becomes a completely different character all of a sudden. I could chalk it up to delusions on the part of Usher, but Dr. Hacker was the one who was primarily involved with her inexplicable transformation.

While watching the film, I actually did wonder on more than one occasion whether it was a satire of gothic horror films that misfired rather than a serious attempt at making a horror movie. If viewed as such, it suddenly becomes a mediocre movie instead of a terrible one. Certainly, the bad acting on the part of the men dubbing Robert Foster (as Dr. Hacker) and Howard Vernon (as Dr. Usher) gives rise to much hilarity... and the people responsible for voicing Lina Romay and the rest of the cast are almost as effective with their comedic stylings.

But I doubt this was intended as a comedy, so the film ends up here, with the rest of the cinematic trash. There are actually a few well-done scenes of horror sprinkled here and there throughout the film, but overall it's another cheap-jack Jess Franco Failure, with another of his trademark botched endings. (Free advice to filmmakers: If you're going to adapt "The Fall of the House of Usher" and you're going to have a building collapse... for God's sake, budget some miniature shots or buy some stock footage, because the way Franco does it here is a textbook example of what NOT to do.)

That said, the bad voice, the incoherent storyline, and the outrageously random behavior on the part of the characters also make this movie the exact right kind of trash for those who enjoy riffing as bad movies unfold. With the right group of friends, this movie can be a lot of fun.

Jess Franco does good! (Well, sort of.)

Count Dracula (1970) (aka "The Nights of Dracula" and "Night: When Dracula Awakens")
Starring: Christopher Lee, Fred Williams, Herbert Lom, Soledad Miranda, Maria Rohm, and Klaus Kinski
Director: Jess Franco
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

The immortal vampire Count Dracula (Lee) leaves his Transylvanian home for the fresh hunting grounds of London, preying upon women connected to his attorney, Jonathan Harker (Williams).

There is little question that Jess Franco is a hack of small talent. Even at his best, he ends up showing off how inept he is as a director, producer, what have you. So, to say that "Count Dracula" ranks among the very best of Jess Franco pictures sounds like I'm damning it with faint praise.

I am not, however. "Count Dracula" not only ranks among Jess Franco's best pictures, but it should be counted among the most faithful adaptations of Stoker's "Dracula" that has ever been committed to film. (In fact, the only one I've seen that's more faithful is John Johnson's oddly titled "Alucard"... which I just discovered I never posted a review of. I'll have to fix that ASAP.) Although it appears to be based on the stage play rather than novel, as was the famous Bela Lugosi flick for Universal 40 years earlier, this film captures the tone and intent of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" with far greater accuracy than the Lugosi vehicle or the film from Francis Ford Coppala that falsely passed itself off as "Bram Stoker's Dracula."

Christopher Lee is especially excellent in this film, portraying Dracula as the coldhearted, barely human maniac that he should be portrayed as--a being where humanity is a badly maintained mask that is barely skin deep. There is no romance surrounding this Dracula... only evil. Franco promised Lee that he would get to play Dracula as Stoker wrote him, and Franco was true to his word... Lee even gets to deliver the "children of the night" lines word-for-word, and with greater power than any other film actor before or since. The only complaint I can level against Lee's grand performance is that he comes out of the starting box a little too strong. The film maintains the creepy bits from the novel where Dracula gets younger as he feeds on the life-force and blood of innocent young English women, but the viewer doesn't get the full impact of Dracula's rejuvenation, because the transformation from old to young is little more than a make-up job, because Lee plays Dracula the same way.

Another shining performance in the film is delivered by Soledad Miranda. She literally commands every scene that she's in, being not only beautiful but also possessed with immense charisma. And when she goes from victim to vampire, she shows that she can be cute as easily as she can be creepy. It is one of film history's great tragedies that she was killed in a car accident on literally the very day when she was going to sign the contract that would have been her big breakthrough. If she had lived, perhaps even Jess Franco would have left a less foul legacy, as Miranda seems to be the common element between some of Franco's best pictures; the five-picture deal Miranda was about to sign would have seen Franco come along as the director on the films.

As for the rest of the cast, there isn't much to say other than that they showed up, they did their lines, and no one embarrassed themselves. Herbert Lom is an okay Van Helsing, and Klaus Kinski is a decent Renfield, but everyone else is perfectly forgettable... including Fred Williams' bland Jonathan Harker. (In fairness to Williams, though, anyone would look bland in comparison to Lee's Dracula in this flick.)

With the actors being excellent to okay, and the film being as faithful-as-can-be-excepted adaptation of "Dracula" within an 100-minute running time, why am I only giving it an Average rating, you might ask? Well, that's because despite everything that's good about the film, it is STILL a Jess Franco production.

Like most Franco films, he is working with a budget that is very small. And like most Franco films, Franco doesn't appear capable of judging where the money is best spent, or he is incapable of devising ways to hide the lack of budget. For example, when Terrence Fisher did his "Dracula" in 1958, the final battle between Dracula and the vampire hunters was completely revised to reflect the limitations of budget and production realities. Franco, doing a more faithful rendering of the source material couldn't be as radical as Fisher and writer Jimmy Sangster, but a more skilled director and manager could have devised a better solution than fake boulders being dropped on horsemen in a badly staged stunt sequence... and he certainly could have done better than the tragically anti-climactic demise of Dracula at the very end. (It's not only lame, it's barely within the "faithful" zone.)

The bonus features on the disc contain an interview with Franco that sheds a little light on why the ending to the film is so weak, but it really boils down to bad management on his part. That said, the interview also shows how committed he was to making this film, and, despite my describing him as a hack, gives me respect for him and this film.

The Franco interview is one of those rare DVD extras that is actually more than just filler... it's worth the time it takes to sit through. The same can be said about the dramatic reading of a condensed version of "Dracula" by Christopher Lee that's also included, as well as the essay about Soledad Miranda. All in all, the bonus features on the "Special Edition" disc that formed the basis of this review add real value to the package.

'Vampyros Lesbos' is Jess Franco at his best

Vampyros Lesbos (aka "The Vampire Women" and "The Heiress of Dracula") (1970s)
Starring: Soledad Miranda, Ewa Stromburg, and Dennis Price
Director: Jess Franco
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Linda (Stromburg) is drawn to an island where a reclusive young noble woman resides in her castle. Turns out, this noble woman (Miranda) is a vampire with a taste for female flesh and blood. She drinks Linda's blood and starts her transformation into her eternal blood/love/lust slave. Random nonsense follows, as Linda attempts to fight off the vampiric urges and a vampire hunter (Price) with dark motives arrives on the scene.


"Vampyros Lesbos" is one of the better Jess Franco films I've seen, which means that it's not unwatchable garbage.

The film's got some very fascinating visuals, Soledad Miranda gives an excellent and subdued performance as the vampire queen, and there's a dreamlike atmosphere that hangs over the entire film... but, ultimately, what passes for the story here is just an excuse to show as many tits and naked lesbian nookie as possible. Not that is necessarily a bad thing, but when the story is convoluted and badly thought out, it becomes almost as frustrating as the bad comedy bits that Seduction Cinema likes to insert into their films (where the storylines are also mostly just there as an excuse to show naked, cavorting lesbians).

The story that IS here is better than what you find in, say, "My Vampire Lover", but there's no excuse for it to be as muddled as it is... except for the fact that it's badly executed becuase it's just there to get us from one softcore lesbian vampire scene to the next. It also causes the film to drag and feel over-long.

If you feel like you need "art" to justify your softcore porn watching, "Vampyros Lesbos" might be worth checking out. It's a nicely shot film with a pair of very pretty ladies in it.