Bad horror/fantasy in an anthology format

Satan's Storybook (1989)
Starring: Ray Robert, Lesile Deutsch, Ginger Lynn Allen, and Michael Daevid ("Satan's Queen"/framing segment), Steven K. Arthur and Leesa Roland ("Demon of Death" segment), Gary Brandner, Michael Rider, Francis Paul and Irwin Waterman ("Death Among Clowns" segment)
Director: Michael Rider
Rating: Two Stars

"Satan's Storybook" is a low-budget anthology film with costuming that would look great at a Halloween party but which is at the bottom end of what should be considered passable for a professional film production. The flat look of a film obviously shot on video makes it look even cheaper.

I broke this review down according to the segments of the film, assigning each one its own rating. The Two Stars I ultimately ended up assigning it is an average of those individual ratings.

Aside from its low budget and near-universally weak acting which is made to appear worse than it actually is by atrocious dialogue, the film hurt most by the sloppy and loose editing. Every time there's a cut or a change in camera angle, we get at least a second of dead air, so even during what should be heated exchanges between characters we get an overly stagey sense of performance as everyone seems to be politely waiting for the other actor to finish their line before delivering his. The actors and the film in general would have come off much better if there had been a talented editor involved in the production.

Like most anthology films, it consists of a framing tale that surrounds and links short stories. Here, the framing sequence involves the kidnapping of Satan's Bride (Leslie Deutsch) by her sister who has been raised to kill her (Ginger Lynn Allen). While Satan's minions tracks his bride and her kidnappers, he orders his court jester (Daevid) to tell him tales of evil on Earth to get his mind off the situation.

The framing story is a fantasy-oriented section of the film, with better-than-average swordplay for this level of filmmaking but the too-cheap costuming and the awful editing undermines the good parts. Ray Robert does a good job as Satan, but he's also undermined by a lack of technical ability on the part of the filmmakers, as his voice is distorted to give it a spooky, demon-like quality that makes it almost impossible to understand what he's saying. The framing story rates a 4/10 Stars. It's the best part of the film, which isn't saying much. And even though it's the best part, it still ended with me saying to myself, "Is that it? Did someone forget to end this movie?"

The first story told by the jester is "Demon of Death", a tale of a serial killer who picks his victims at random from a phone book (Steven K. Arthur), but whose luck runs out when he targets a young woman who is studying witchcraft (Leesa Roland).

"Demon of Death" had plenty of potential, but it evaporates under the harshness of bad writing (not just the dialogue but also the timing of events in the tale, such as the revelation that the killer's "Book of Death" is just a phone book), subpar acting by everyone appearing, and the aforementioned bad editing. It's also padded with about five mintues of useless scenes involving the police and badly staged news reports. It rates a 2/10 Stars.

The jester's second tale is "Death Among Clowns". Here, a washed-up, drunken circus clown (Gary Brandner) commits suicide after being fired by the owner of the sideshow attracion he's spent his adult life performing at (Paul), but tries to put up a fight when Mickey La Mort, the manifestation of Death who collects the spirits of clowns (Rider), appears.

Moreso than the other parts of this film, the bad editing makes "Death Among Clowns" feel stagey and causes the actors to come off worse than they actually are. The pauses between lines due to changes in angles during a scene drains all energy from interactions. Of course, the truly awful dialogue being delivered doesn't help matters, but the editing is really what kills things here. Oh yeah... and then there's the problem the story just sort of peeters out. It's as if writers Arthur and Rider had put themselves in a corner and then said to themselves, "Let's just put a "boo" scare here and call it good." This one earns a rating of 2/10 Stars.

Two of the actors appearing in this segment have not appeared in any other films, but I want to call their performances out nonetheless.

First, there's Gary Brandner, the novelist who wrote the novels from which some of the werewolf films in "The Howling" series are based, as well as the script for "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf". He plays Charlie the Clown, and he does it with a very bad Christopher Walken impersonation.

Second, there's Francis Paul, who plays the sideshow attraction owner who's sick of giving Charlie slack. Paul gives the most energetic and natural performance of anyone in the film. With better lines and decent editing, he might have earned "Death Among Clowns" another star. I think it's a shame he didn't do any more movies, because I think he could have been excellent if supported by competent filmmakers.

"Satan's Storybook" is a film that even lovers of the anthology format like myself would be better off not bothering with.

Paul Naschy is great in 'Devil's Possessed'

Devil's Possessed (aka "The Marshall of Hell") (1974)
Starring: Paul Naschy, Guillermo Bredeston, Norma Sebre, and Mariano Vidal Molina
Director: León Klimovsky
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

A one-time courageous and dutiful nobleman, Gilles De Lancre (Naschy) grows twisted and bitter because of perceived slights by the king, is led down the path of madness and Satanism by his lover (Sebre). When his crimes and brutality against the serfs in his domain reach monstrous proportions, his former comrade-in-arms Gaston of Malebranche (Bredeston) takes charge of a growing resistance movement and starts laboring toward ending his reign of terror.

Loosely based on historical figures, including Gilles De Rais who in the mid-1400s had as many as 600 children murdered in the name of "dark arts", "Devil's Possessed" is one of the best films written and directed by B-movie legend Paul Naschy. It's a heady cross between a Robin Hood-style adventure tale and a savage, gory Satanism-fueled horror tale that culminates in a "storming of the castle" sequence that's as exciting on a swashbuckling level as it is chilling on a horror level. Few villains get as neat a send-off as Gilles De Lancre gets here.


Paul Naschy gives a great performance as the increasingly crazy De Lancre, with Norma Sebre complimenting him nicely as De Lancre's cold, repulsively immoral lover. Guillermo Bredeston is likewise solid in the role of the righteous Malebranche, but he is needfully outshone by Naschy. Visually, the film is packed with excellent cinematography that takes full advantage of the natural settings and crumbling castles that serve as the film's locations. The action scenes--be they the jousting tournament at roughly the film's midpoint, or the sword-fights during its finale--are also expertly filmed.

If you like some daring-dos with your horror--or some horror with your swashbuckling--I'm sure you'll get a kick out of this one. While a number of Naschy's penned scripts have their roots in the sort of medieval Satanists of this film--with "The Return of the Wolf Man" and "Horror Rises From the Tomb" coming to mind immediately--this is one of the few where they are front and center in their own time. It's an unusual horror film that's well worth a look.

'Blood Sabbath' is odd and very 1970s

Blood Sabbath (1971)
Starring: Tony Geary, Dyanne Thorne, Susanne Damante, Sam Gilman, and Steve Gravers
Director:
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A Viet Nam vet (Geary) haunted by the war, meets and falls in love with a water nymph (Damante) in an isolated stretch of back country. Desperate to make this impossible relationship work, he sells his soul to the evil leader of a local witch coven (Thorne) for the promise of being able to be with his beloved. Perhaps this is stating the obvious, but it all ends very badly.

"Blood Sabbath" is another one of those movies I really wish I could like more. I love the general atmosphere of the film--the story is one more suited for a fantasy setting, with our troubled warrior having fought in the Crusades or the 100 Year War instead of a modern conflict. The characters, the setting, the way the story unfolds... everything has a fairy-tale story book quality to it that stands in odds with the modern trappings of the film. In fact, one possible interpretation of what we see is that it's an "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge"-type story with everything that happens is the main character's dying fantasy.

As interesting as the script and atmosphere of the movie is, it is brought low by some pretty awful acting by just about every cast member, and by a special effects team that was either incompetent or not given enough money or time to do even simple jobs right. Nothing says "crappy" like a severed head prop that looks nothing whatsoever like the actor from whom the head was supposed to have been severed. The seemingly unending scenes of naked and semi-naked witches performing jazz dances don't help the movie any either--you know something's wrong with a film when naked chicks can't even seem to spice up the proceedings. (Although, it could also be that I've seen too many movies with witch covens doubling as the Backwood Jazz Ballet Dancers... it seems that being willing to take your shirt off and having some minimum ability to dance were the requirements to be a witch in the 1970s.)

And if there's one thing I'm glad went away with the 1970s, it's the use of crash-zooms and fish-eye lenses to show altered mental states. I don't think it's a bad representation--I've had some fever dreams or my own drug-induced stupors that have felt like that--but I can't think of a time when I didn't see that used in a film where it wasn't overused. This is no exception.

Still, it you've got absolutely nothing else going on, "Blood Sabbath" might be worth checking out just for the quirky fantasy vibe running through the film. It's not worth getting on its own, however; even if you Netflix it, try to find it on a disc with some other film, so you can get your money's worth.

'Season of the Witch' is a time of fantasy/horror

Season of the Witch (2011)
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Ulrich Thomsen, Robert Sheehan, Stephen Campbell Moore, and Stephen Graham
Director: Dominic Sena
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A pair of 14th century Crusader knights (Cage and Perlman) return to their homeland to find it ravaged by a terrible plague. They join a priest (Moore) and three other swordsmen (Graham, Sheehan, and Thomsen) on a dangerous mission to escort a mysterious girl (Foy) who is suspected of being the witch who has caused the plague to a remote monastery where her soul will be cleansed.

"Season of Witch" is a fast-moving fantasy/horror film that mixes movie cliches--can there be a horror film set in the Middle Ages that doesn't feature some plague or another?--and refreshing approaches to standard fantasy/horror/action movie types--such as the knights played by Cage and Perlman who have grown disillusioned with earthly religious institutions but who still don't go on long, never-ending screeds about God not existing--with a degree deftness that a fairly standard story and characters have enough of an air of freshness about them that you won't regret the time or the money spent on watching this movie.

The audience for this film are big fans of D&D-style low-fantasy adventures, as the horror here is more R.E. Howard than H.P. Lovecraft, and the heroes' relationship with God and religion is more Solomon Kane than Joan of Arc. It's a straight-forward adventure populated with situations and characters that will either bring feelings of nostalgia or satisfaction to DMs and players who will feel like the scenery in their mind's eye while playing paper-based RPGs has come to life on the screen before them. This movie is what a D&D movie should be like, with its ass-kicking heroes, sinister witches, zombies, and uber-powerful demons.

Unfortunately, the film shares a bit of the haphazard plotting that is typical of even the best conceived roleplaying game adventures, be they "homebrews" or published scenarios. Much of what happens in the film seems to happen just because it's a plot necessity, especially once the characters reach their destination. I can't go into it too much without spoiling the movie, but you will find yourself wondering why the heroes even made it inside the monastery walls as the film barrels toward its CG monster-filled climax. The red herrings presented--is the girl a witch or not?; is the priest a bad guy rapist/satanist or not?--are clumsily implemented and there is never any real doubt on the part of the viewer what the truth is. And then there's the unfortunately, unintentionally comedic named location of "City of Villach."All in all, the script is fairly weak, succeeding in large part because it is constantly moving the film forward to the next creepy scene or the next fight, and because the filmmakers were smart and confident enough in their abilities to stay off the soap-box and show us the brutality and corruption that can arise from religious fanaticism instead of telling us. (Although the friend I saw the film with though less of it than I did, she being troubled by the fact that the only women in the film were demon-possessed witches who were just there to be dispatched.)

The other keys to what makes this film fun to watch is the peformances by Nicholas Cage, Ron Perlman, and Claire Foy. None are particularly deep characters, but Cage and Perlman play well off each other, and they are perfectly believable as life-long friends and honorable knights. Meanwhile, Foy can project wide-eyed innocence and demonic menace with equal force.

Fans of the films stars and of low-fantasy (or the even lower D&D-style fantasy) will enjoy "Season of the Witch". Admirers of the Tolkien and Lewis screen adaptations might want to skip it.

I wish I liked 'Fable' more than I do

Fable: Teeth of the Beast (2010)
Starring: Melantha Blackthorne, Tara Alexis, Dale Denton, James Ray, Raw Leiba, and Fiona Horn
Director: Sean-Michael Argo
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

What starts as a simple assignment to break up an illegal Quiji Board smuggling ring, brings the City of Fable's top freelance trouble-shooter (Blackthorne) into conflict with a demon planning to destroy the hidden city and shred the veil between the magical world and the modern one.

"Fable: Teeth of the Beasts" is a film I really wanted to like. The press release included with the screener the publicity rep kindly sent me caused me to put the film near the top of my review stack. It's basic concept is one that I love--a dark fantasy movie set in a pseudo-modern environment. It's the sort sort of story part of me wishes I would force myself to do.

Which is why I wish I liked this movie more than I do, because I love genre mash-ups and there are things to like about "Fable".

Lead Malentha Blackthorne does a good job as the magical bounty hunter with a troubled past, and Dale Denton is one heck of a scary demon underneath some strange, anvil-jawed make-up. The use of digital blood-spatter, sparks, and muzzle flashes is far more adeptly used here than in films made with budgets of many hundreds more than what was spent here--like The Expendables and Machete. It's great to see a low-budget film show up the big boys like that.

The script by Matt Yaeger (from a story by Argo) is just about perfect, striking the right balance between a hardboiled detective/action film tone, an R.E. Howard vibe, and a Tolkien Universe gone seriously bad. So as far as that goes, I like this film for all the same reasons I liked the other Argo/Yaeger collaboration I've watched and reviewed, 'Johnny Sunshine', which was a genre mash-up of cyberpunk and zombie movies. I will probably watch and review any other film by them I come across, because I think they are both talented writers and directors, and I hope that they'll get it right eventually.

Argo also leads with a bit of filmmaking that I first thought boded ill but which turned out to be one of the cleverest things he did. Some scenes use "digital sets," mostly in the film's beginning, in a clever reversal of what is expected; actors in the "real world" are placed in digitally generated streets that lend a phony look to the action, while the "fantasy world" is all gritty and real. It's the opposite of what was done in "Despiser" and it's a great touch.

Much as I liked "Fable" for some of the reasons I liked "Johnny Sunshine", the film has some of the same problems, attributable in both films to inexperience of directors and cinematographers. Once again, this is a film with numerous fight scenes that not only feel under-rehearsed, but they are badly photographed, with camera placements far from optimal. I'm also not sure Argo has a feel for creating cinematic fight scenes... his editor certainly didn't!

But these technical complaints are dwarfed by the film's gigantic, insurmountable problem: That this is that it never should have been made. Or at least not made in the way it was here, because it is a movie that required a far bigger budget than what the filmmakers had to work with here.

"Fable" has at its foundation a script that would have made a great Japanese cartoon (or anime, for those of you who feel you're too grown-up to be watching cartoons). Its main character is a sexy babe who kicks ass with magic and guns. She exists in a world that is supposedly full of legendary magical creatures and demons where she is disliked just as much by the creatures she fights as by the Powers That Be. Heck, even the way the dialogue is delivered and the pacing of the film reminded me of anime. But animation is far more costly than the price of getting a few actors and a small technical crew together in a building slated for demolition (or some similar site).

And getting those actors together is a good fallback position, assuming you have the budget for great costumes and/or creature effects to populate the City of Fable with minotaurs, winged fairies, weird creatures flying through the air or perching on stools at the local bar, and all sorts of other visual madness. Or at the very least SOME costumes and creature effects aside from the single demon that is the film's main bad guy. Because one single actor in heavy make-up doesn't do the supposed realm where all magic and magical beings retreated to when humans and their Reason and Logic started taking hold and shaping Reality. All that does demonstrate the vast missed opportunities and squandered potential that this film represents.

"Fable" is a movie I hope gets a remake someday--a hope held in vain, because no one ever remakes movies because they need to be remade. Or maybe the script could be adapted to a graphic novel format, because it would make a great comic book as well. But this is not good movie, no matter how much I wanted it to be. It really is only of interest to those who are absolutely fanatical in their love of urban fantasy, and who must see or read everything that appears in that genre.

Here's hoping there'll be a third outing for Argo and Yaeger... and that the third time will indeed be the charm!

'Something Wicked This Way Comes':A great film adaptation of a great novel

This is my first October with the new blog, and I'm going to celebrate with 31 Nights of Halloween. I'm kicking off this full month of daily reviews with the film version of one of my favorite horror novels.


Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)
Starring: Jason Robards, Jonathan Pryce, Vidal Peterson, Shawn Carson, Royal Dano, Pam Grier and Bruce M. Fischer
Director: Jack Clayton
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

When a magical carnival arrives in an idyllic small town, two boys (Peterson and Carson) are the only ones who can save the adults from falling victim to their unfulfilled desires when ringmaster Mr. Dark (Pryce) turns those desires against them they are turned on them.

"Something Wicked This Way Comes" is one of the few books I've reread virtually every October for at least the last 25 years. It was one of my favorite books as a kid, and my love for it has only grown as I've gotten older. Every time I read the book, I find something new to marvel at, and Ray Bradbury's beautiful language never gets old.

You can keep your J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. "Something Wicked This Way Comes" is the only modern mythology or epic literary allegory that I need. And I may have to add watching the Disney film version of this great novel once a year, too, because in re-watching it, I found it to be even better than I remembered.

With a script by Ray Bradbury himself, the film adaptation of the novel captures its spirit perfectly, with Jason Robards and Jonathan Pryce being the perfect embodiments of the two key adult figures in the book--Robards as the aging father of Will Halloway who must rediscover his youthful optimism if he is to save himself and his son, and Pryce as the sinister tattooed carnival master who is set on destroying everyone in the town with their own dreams. These two great actors manage to deliver Bradbury's poetically crafted dialogue in a way that makes it sound completely natural. The child actors playing life-long friends Will Halloway and Jim Nightshade (Vidal Peterson and Shawn Carson) who are on the cusp of entering puberty and whose friendship is feeling the strain because of it, have a harder time making the elaborate lines sound natural, but they are above average in talent, so they still pull off their parts nicely.

The cinematography, set design, special effects and music soundtrack also help to bring the sensations felt when reading the novel to vibrant life on the screen. Like the book, this movie invokes alternatively a sense of nostalgia, a sense of magic, a sense of lurking dread, and feelings of stark terror as it unfolds, sometimes moving back and forth between the emotions in a fairly short space. What's more, the film does it without needing to resort to overt sexual content and gory violence. There are a number of intense scenes, but there's nothing here that you can't watch with kids older than ten or eleven. (There might be a nightmare or two on the part of particularly sensitive kids, because the film, like the book, taps directly into childhood fears, but I still think that this lyrical dark fantasy film is an experience a family can and should enjoy together.)

"Something Wicked This Way Comes" is available from Amazon.com. If you haven't seen it, you should. And you should watch it with your kids. On a similar note, if you or your kids haven't read the book, you have missed out on a great piece of dark fantasy literature. Get your copy today by clicking below (or heading down the local library).

'Reborn from Hell' should have stayed dead

Reborn From Hell: Samurai Armageddon (1996)
Starring: Tamorowo Taguchi and Yuko Moriyama
Director: Kazumasa Shirai
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

During Japan's Edo Period, a particularly vile warlord sets his sights not just on domination of Japan, but on the entire world. Using dark magics and seven evil samurais resurrected through blood sacrifices, he sets about accomplishing his goal. One man stands in his path, however... the fearless warrior Yubei Yagyu.


I'm told by friends that know more about Japanese history that I do that "Samurai Armageddon" is to be taken as a spoof of the samurai soap opera genre. Apparently, almost every character that appears in the film has a real-world historical counterpart and that if I were more learned, I'd "get" the film.

They may be right, but a bad movie is still a bad movie. For example, I don't know a whole lot about Japanese mythology, and even less about classical Japanese poetry, and yet I enjoyed "Mask of Zeguy", which relies heavily on the viewer having knowledge of both.

My knowledge of history (or lack thereof) does not change the fact that "Samurai Armageddon" is full of dull fight scenes (some of the worst Kung Fu films of the 1970s would shine by comparison), features some really awful special effects, and sports a storyline that's messy and so confused it trips over itself on more than one occasion.

To make matters worse, the film doesn't have an ending. "Samurai Armageddon" sets up the conflicts and the bad guys, has the hero squaring off against them, but where you'd think it should start building toward some sort of climax, the film instead ends. It's as if someone forgot to write a third act and no one noticed.

I like movies that have some semblance of a beginning, a middle, and an end, even if that ending is an obvious set-up for another sequel (like "Back to the Future 2" or "The Two Towers"). "Samurai Armageddon" has a beginning, at least part of a middle, but doesn't even come close to delivering an end and a proper pay-off to what has been set up. Yeah, perhaps if I were a student of Japanese history, I'd know where the end will be going... but one can enjoy "Tombstone" just fine without being an expert in American history.

It's a shame that this film is so bad, because pretty much every actor featured in it gives good performances (and they're earning this flick Two Stars just for that).

Chan slapsticks his way through supernatural action

The Medallion (2003)
Starring: Jackie Chan, Julian Sands, Claire Forlani, and Lee Evans
Directors: Gordon Chan and Doug Aarniokoski
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When a criminal mastermind knows as Snakehead (Sands) kidnaps a young boy as part of an effort to unlock the mystical secrets contained in an ancient medallion, a Hong Kong detective (Chan) and an Interpol agent Nicole (Forlani) must set aside their past differences to save the child and apprehend Snakehead. When Eddie becomes the recepient of the powers granted by the medallion, it seems like stopping Snakehead will be a cinch--but Snakehead proves that one should never count a villian out until... well, one should just never count a villian out.


"The Medallion" is a delightful, fast-paced action movie with a strong fantasy and martial arts flavor. The effects shots may not be the best at all times, but the actors are all excellent in their roles (even if Evans is a bit too irritating as the comic relief character), with Sands and Forlani both being particularly fun to watch in the film. Chan, although I am now certain that age has started to slow him down, is as always the solid star around which the film resolves, delivering his usual variety of stunts, fights, and comedy... this time, enhanced with special effects.

Happy St. Paddy's Day, me laddies!

It's St. Paddy's Day as I write this, so here's a bonus review to celebrate: My take on the original "Leprechaun" movie!

Leprechaun (1992)
Starring: Warwick Davis, Jennifer Aniston, John Sanderford, Ken Olant, Robert Hy Gorman, and Mark Holton
Director: Mark Jones
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

An angry leprechaun (Davis) goes on killing spree while searching for his stolen pot o' gold.

This may come across as damning with faint praise, but "Leprechaun" remains the best movie that Jennifer Aniston has been in, and she actually shows that she can act. (The tight pants she wears also help bolster her performance.)


With the bashing of an overratd star out of the way (although she wasn't a star yet when she made this film), how does the rest of the movie measure up? Fairly decently. The evil, murderous leprechaun of the title dispatches his victims with a level of gore and glee that only Freddy Krueger can match... and some of the characters are so annoying you're almost happy to see him bump them off. (On the other hand, the characters that we're supposed to be rooting for, are well enough scripted and acted that we care if they live or die.)


The film goes a great job of balancing comedy and horror, but it sags a bit in the middle, and the ending threatens to sputter and stall as it's gearing up for the climax. With some 10 or so minutes snipped out here and there, this could be one of the great horror comedies. (Maybe the TV version does just that, although I suspect they've edited out the wrong bits. This is one film where I'd hate to see the gore edited out... some of it's intermingled with the movie's funniest moments.)

The leprechaun is in da hood!

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm reviewing the very strange horror/comedy "Leprechaun in the 'Hood". (I'll review the sequel tomorrow.)

Leprechaun 5 (aka "Leprechaun in the 'Hood") (2000)
Starring: Warwick Davis, Ice-T, A.T. Montgomery, Rashan Nall, Red Grant and Coolio
Director: Rob Spera
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

The story presented revolve around three struggling rappers (Grant, Montgomery and Nall) who steal the magical flute that was the key to the runaway success of crimelord/recording mogul Mack Daddy (Ice-T). Before they can take advantage of their new opportunities, however, trhey find themselves hunted by both Mack Daddy and the revenge-hungry leprechaun (Warwick) from whom Mack Daddy originally stole the flute.

A rapping leprechaun shouldn't work, but somehow it does in this film. The horror elements are chilling and the comedic elements are howlingly funny. This isn't Shakespear, but Mack Daddy and the Leprechaun sharing a joint, and the Leprechaun performing a rap song with zombie hooker backup singers are noteable moments in the history of comedy.


The film really succeeds due to the strength of the talented cast, all of whom show equal talent for comedy and drama. Ice-T is, of course, Ice-T--no matter what his character may be called--but he does a fine job at lampooning himself and his image.

If you're looking for a strange movie that will be a hit at pretty much any Bad Movie Night, you can't go wrong with the this one. It's a very different film from the original in the series, something which can either make or break a sequel, but I think it's well worth the time devoted to watching it. It's a rare, well-done horror/comedy.

(While I'm thinking about it... why are there dramedies but no homedies ?)

'Back to tha Hood' is a return to crappiness

We wrap up the run-up to St. Paddy's day with the fifth (and so far final) sequel to "Leprechaun". But with the Harry Potter series coming to an end, Warwick Davis is going to have to make a living somehow....


Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)
Starring: Warwick Davis, Tangi Miller, Page Kennedy, Sherrie Jackson, Donzaleigh Abernathy and Laz Alonzo
Director: Steven Ayromlooi
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Emily (Miller) and her ghetto peeps (Alonzo, Jackson and Kennedy) find a treasure chest belonging to an evil leprechaun (Davis). When they start spending the leprechaun's cheese on bling and hoopdies, he claws his way back from the very depths of Hell itself to recover what is his in the most gangsta of ways.


"Back 2 tha Hood" is a step down in quality from the previous film in the series, with an illogical setup (what is the magical lair of a leprechaun who protected the treasure of European kings doing under South Central Los Angeles?), a cast of pimps, ho's, drug dealers crooked cops and potheads that mostly unsympathetic and therefore the leprechaun seems more like he's doing a public service than being evil (only two characters "don't deserve what's coming to them" out of the whole cast), and the jokes just aren't that funny.

Then there's the fact that the novelty of the leprechaun killing gangbangers and potheads wore off with "Leprechaun in the 'Hood". A clever angle can go along way to obscuring other shortcomings, but this film doesn't even have that. (I wondered in my review from yesterday why there aren't any homedies. I think this film has explained why such a category doesn't exist.)

Like "Leprechaun 4", this is a film that probably gets funnier as you get drunker. Also like "Leprechaun 4", it's a film that you can skip without missing much. It is a little better, but not by much.

Monster o' the Irish goes inter-stellar

As a run-up to St. Patrick's Day, I'm posting reviews of some of the "Leprechaun" movies.


Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
Starring: Warwick Davis, Rebekah Carlton, Brent Jasmer, Miguel A. Núñez Jr., Tim Colceri and Guy Siner
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

The efforts of a space-faring evil leprechaun (Davis) to woo an alien princess (Carlton) are interrupted by a group of mercenaries and a mad scientist who carry off both the princess and the gold. The leprechaun doesn't take kindly to having his treasures stolen, and he goes about executing gory and bizarre revenge.


Take a second-rate horror comedy and cross it with a third-rate sci-fi monster flick and you have "Leprechaun 4."

I give the filmmakers credit for coming with a crazy idea--which reportedly came about when an executive at Tristar Pictures had Tom Hanks' face on a poster for "Apollo 13" replaced with the Leprechaun's face--even if the end result isn't quite up to the original film. I also give them credit for having the insight for taking a creature that had basically been played out as a straight horror property over the course of the previous films and going all-out comedic with it.

Unfortunately, for all the credit I give them, it doesn't change the fact that the film is rather dull during its first half. It isn't until late in the movie, after the leprechaun retrieves his princess and unleashes a second monster on the spaceship, that things get interesting. And even then, the film is a little too slow movie, never reaching the level of energy that the concept requires. The jokes never come fast enough for the viewer to not guess the punchline before it arrives, and the gore is nowhere near plentiful enough. In fact, it's near non-existent.

It's a movie that will inspire a few laughs if you're sober, but it is funnier if you have a few beers onboard and the brain isn't quite as sharp as it might otherwise be.

Bad voice actors ruin quirky werewolf film

Kibakichi (aka "Werewolf Warrior") (2004)
Starring: Ryuuji Harada and Nozomi Ando
Director: Tomoo Haraguchi
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Kibakichi (Harada), a monster warrior and the sole survivor of a village wiped out by the humans, finds himself called upon to defend a village of peaceful monsters when they are betrayed and attacked by the humans they considered their allies.


"Kibakichi" is quirky blend of Japanese historical melodrama, martial arts action, fantasy and horror. The effects and monsters are strictly low-tech and low-budget, but the creative camerawork, staging and lighting brings it all to life in an impactful and fun way. Plus, the climactic battle scenes, with monster battles, sword-fights, werewolf rampages, and funky 18th century machine guns is one that is not to be missed!

This is also one of those very interesting films that successfully turns what is traditionally considered monsters into the objects of our sympathies while showing humans to be evil and monstrous. It's a film that delivers a message about tolerance and acceptance and the universal desire that every person has to have a safe place to live and raise their family. (Some of these morons I'm seeing commenting on politics and threatening violence if The Obama doesn't win the presidential election should watch this movie and others like it. Maybe seeing the message wrapped in a fantasy setting will make them realize what intolerant and hateful assholes they truly are.)

The only real weak spot of the film is the dubbing. There is so little dialogue in the film that it's not a huge problem, but what there is done by actors so bad I can only assume the producers rounded up the overnight cleaning crew and gave them each a dinner coupon at Denny's for the time spent recording. Even worse, it appears that absolutely no effort was made to shape the lines or even synchronize them properly with the actors on-screen.

Even if you don't usually like reading subtitles, you should only watch "Kibakichi" with original Japanese language track. You experience will be far more pleasurable if you do.