'Skeleton Key' is access to goofy horror spoofing

Skeleton Key (2006)
Starring: John Johnson, David Simmons, Liam Smith, Karthik Srinivasan, Chris Jenkins, Jay Barber, Denise Shrader, Debbie Rochon, and Codo the Dog
Director: John Johnson
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

A tabloid reporter and his photographer (Johnson and Srinivasan) take a cab driven by a Hatian immigrant (Simmons) to the small town of Nilbog to the town of Nibog to discover who's been shipping zombies via parcel post to unsuspeting people. What they find is evil and madness manifested in every conceivably crazy way and a mad scientist (Barber) trying to export this evil to the rest of the world.

 "Skeleton Key" is a swirling, chaotic mess of a movie that was made for an ultra-low budget, haphazardly mixes fourth-wall humor with horror movie spoofs and bizarre jokes about life, love, sex, death, and everything in between. As is fitting for a movie set in the town of Nilbog--the location for one of the worst movies ever made, "Troll 2"--this movie is a pretty bad movie that makes no sense from beginning to end. However, this is a "bad movie" because it's MADE that way. As a result, it's very, very funny. The people involved with the crap passing itself off as satires and farces in the movie theaters in the past decade (such as "Superhero Movie", "Disaster Movie", and "An American Carol") should take lessons from John Johnson on how to make a film that is basically just about characters running from one joke to the next. (The might also have him explain the proper way to incorporate a man in a tutu weilding a giant dildo as a club, because he's got one here and it's damn funny!)

"Skeleton Key" pokes fun at horror movie conventions either by simply mocking them (like when the characters are constantly splitting up to search the monster-infested houses of Nilbog), or turning them completely on their head (such as when the precocious kid character doesn't live through the film but instead dies in the one truly creepy moment in the film). More specifically, the film seems to be send-up of the amateurish shot-with-video cameras-borrowed-from-the-parents-and-starring-me-and-all-my-friends that have been so very common at the lower end of the direct-to-DVD spectrum of horror flicks in recent years. The movie hits just abot every thing that makes many of those movies so awful, but it does it so well that I have every belief that John Johnson and his cast and crew knew exactly what they were doing and every cheap moment and bad edit or sloppy bit of lighting is intentional. (The fact many of the same people were involved in the technically very accomplished film "Alucard" makes me even more firm in this belief.)

Another sign that Johnson and his co-stars knew what they were doing, and that this film is intentionally cheesy and bad, is the quality and nature of the acting. Everyone in the film is ACTING--doing voices and exaggerated accents, mugging at the camera, and generally just clowning around. Johnson, on the other hand, gives a very straight performance, one that is completely out of step with the hamming and mugging going on all around him--despite the fact that his character keeps addressing the viewer and is continually and hilariously beset by visions sent by his Evil Side made manifest after he is bitten by a Nilbog Zombie. It's a clear sign that the chaos and apparent disorganization of the film is carefully constructed and calculated. (And if there was any doubt that the quality of this film is carefully constructed that doubt should be put to rest by the musical number 'Rain". I used to think only "Weird Al" Yankovic could write ballads like this song, but Chris Jenkins can give him a run for his money.)

"Skeleton Key" isn't a movie for everyone, but if you have an appreciation for low-budget horror movies, have been annoyed by the pathetic state of so many independent films that are released these days, and have a sense of humor and a soft spot for "Airplane!" and "Men in Thights"-style spoofs, this is a film worth checking out. (You may also need to have a sense of humor about yourself, or at least an ability to laugh at your friends. One of the strangest characters in the film--who is both watching the film, narrating the film and being a character in the film--is a very heavy-handed lampoon at hardcore horror dorks who will praise anything that's released on DVD, so long as it has zombies and/or vampires, tits, and is presented as an "indie film".

If you want to give regulars at Bad Movie Night gatherings a jolt to their system and a real "what the hell are we watching?" experience, you need a copy of this movie. You'll also want a copy of "Skeleton Key 2", which is one of those rare sequels that's better than the original. (Some day, I will get around to watching the third installment in this epic trilogy. It apparently has pirates.

Saturday Scream Queen: Masiela Lusha

Masiela Lusha had her first big roles on the "George Lopez" series (2002 - 2007) where she played the stars trouble-making teenage daughter, and by providing voices for the animated series "Clifford's Puppy Days" (2003 - 2005). Even while working on those programs, her film career was launching, and it has thrived in the years since. She has been featured in films of almost every genre, and her horror roles so far have been "Kill Katie Malone"  has since gone on to have a thriving career. She has graced movies of virtually every genre, and among those have been horror films like "Blood: The Last Vampire" (2009), "Kill Katie Malone" (2010), "Of Silence" and "The Architect" (both in 2012).

In addition to her busy acting schedule, Lusha is a writer who has several books and poetry collections to her name.

'Blood' is a fine anime adaptation

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
Starring: Gianna Jun, Allison Miller, Liam Cunningham, JJ, Field, Masiela Lusha, Larry Lamb, and Koyuki
Director: Chris Nahon
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

The battle between a secret society and their demon opponents comes to a head in 1970s Japan when the latest seek-and-destroy mission for 400-year-old immortal Saya (Jun) uncovers a demonic infestation on an American Army base is being coordinated by the most powerful demon of all, Onigen (Koyuki).

"Blood: The Last Vampire" is a live-action adaptation of the Japanese animated series "Blood", and those roots show most clearly in a roof-top chase sequence where Saya is trying to save a hapless American girl from the winged demon that is carrying her off -- with camera angles and the framing of shots feeling as if they were meticulously matched with whatever might have been in the original source.

we get everythig but speedlines coming off the her feet as we see them in close-up as Saya is running along the roof. However, the film is a veritable smorgasbord of genres and styles, all jumbled together in a fun stew of action/adventure, espionage, martial arts, historical melodrama, and, of course, gory bloodspattered horror. Its particularly fascinating the way the hues of the lighting and sets change when the film shifts from action to horror mode and back again.

There are some aspects of the film that don't make a whole lot of sense, such as why an ancient and super-secret demon-fighting society is so poor at planning that they don't have cover IDs that stand up to even the slightest scrutiny, or are so inept at inserting undercover operatives that they send their agent into an American school on an American military base wearing a Japanese high school "sailor suit" uniform--but in the big picture of this fast-moving and exciting film, those are minor complaints.

The acting is all-around decent, with stars Gianna Jun and Allison Miller being both energetic and likeable in their performances. I suspect that both fans of the original cartoon and those who can't stand anime will like this movie equally. There's enough of an anime look and feel that I suspect this is a faithful adaptation, but there's more than enough slicing and dicing of demons and weird conspiracy action that the anime haters will be happy, too. Heck, even if you don't like reading subtitles, this is an Asian film that you'll enjoy as most of the dialogue is in English.

Saturday Scream Queen: Gianna Jun

South Korean model and actress Gianna Jun (aka Ji-hyun Jun) is best known for her starring turn in the romantic comedy "My Sassy Girl" (2001), but the horror-tinged films she's starred in are equally worthy of notice. So far, she hasn't made any straight horror films, but the supernatural romance "Il Mare" (2001), the creepy thriller "The Uninvited" (2003), and the genre mash-up, live-action anime adaptation that is "Blood: The Last Vampire" (2009) are well worth checking out by horror fans. ("Il Mare" was the point of origin for the Sandra Bullock/Kenau Reeves vehicle "The Lakehouse".)

Coming soon: Voices from the Grave

My love of anthology films is a matter of public record--as you can see by clicking here if you didn't already know. Walter "Scarlet Fry" Reuther recently called my attention to a forthcoming horror anthology film, he got me looking forward to summer!

"Voices From the Grave" features three shorts, which seems to be close to the perfect number of segments in anthology films as the best of them seem to have three tales., One of them is based on a story from Gary Brandner, the author of "The Howling". (Yeah... I know Mr. Brandner's cinematic track record is a bit up and down, but we all have our low points.)

The three tales of supernatural terror promise to be“Invitation” (in which a sad sack loser attends a party he'll remember until the day he dies), “All Hallows’ Eve” (where a vengeful ghost turns a bitter man's Halloween night upside down), and "Re-Possessed" (in which ghostly road hazards endanger the young owner of a used car owner. "Voices From the Grave" is slated for a 2013 August release.

Saturday Scream Queen: Jeanne Tripplehorn

American actress Jeanne Tripplehorn's horror resume is a little thin, but it is thick with psychopaths. Her first major screen role was in "Basic Instinct" (1991) and she later portrayed the target of a serial killer in "Office Killer" (1997). More recently, she has co-starred in the television series "Criminal Minds" (since 2012) where she is an FBI analyst who catches serial killers.

Although the majority of her other roles have been in comedies--including horror-tinged dark ones like "Very Bad Things" (1998)--along the way Tripplehorn has appeared in a handful of thrillers, such as "The Firm" (1992), "Paranoid" (2000), and "Brother's Keeper" (2002).

She presently remains a regular cast member of "Criminal Minds."

Saturday Scream Queen: Ashley Laurence

Born and raised in Southern California, Ashley Laurence gravitated to a career in acting at a young age. Her first big break came when she starred in the 1987 horror classic "Hellraiser". She went on to appear in the first two sequels of the series and several other horror films in the 25 years that have followed.

Among Laurence's other horror films are "Lurking Fear" (1994), "Warlock III" (1999), "Hellraiser: Hellseeker" (2002), and "Chill" (2007).

Laurence is curently filming "Vendetta," a film about two sistres being stalked by a homicial maniac.. A release date has yet to be announced.

Terminating workers... literally

Office Killer (1997)
Starring: Carol Kane, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Molly Ringwald
Director: Cindy Sherman
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

After a mousey, put-upon copy editor (Kane) accidentially kills an obnoxious staff writer, she embraces her inner serial killer and sets about cutting the work force at her office to the bone.

"Office Killer" is a very dark comedy that gets darker and transitions into a horror film as the psychotic nature of the main character becomes clear and her list of victims grow. It's one of those movies with sciens are equally horrifying and hilarious. You will find yourself feeling a little ashamed over laughing at some of the scenes--but I am certain you will laugh.

Carol Kane, as the titular office killer, does an excellent job of transitioning from eccentric to evil as the film progresses, and she has enough charisma that the viewer continues to feel a connection with her even after she sets her sights on the character that comes closest to being the film's heroine (played by Jeanne Tripplehorn).

Kane's performance is one of the things that makes this film fun to watch, Another is the way the script starts turning slasher movie tropes on their heads as the story progresses. In fact, one of the characters you expect to see die early on remains alive until the very end... and Molly Ringwald does such a fine job of playing this bitchy character that you may keep watching just to see her get taken out.

Unfortunately, as with so many movies, the writer/director had trouble ending the film. There are few movies that I've liked that have blown their endings as completely as "Office Killer" does. After a wild and creative build-up, the film peeters out with a hackneyed and unsatisfying resolution that neither successfully ties up the story nor gives the sensation of "the saga continues" that I suspect it was supposed to.

Aside from the final couple of minutes, though, this is a very entertaining film that is worth checking out.

Saturday Scream Queen: Pola Negri

Can a silent movie star be a "Scream Queen"? If she can be a "Screen Siren," I don't see why not, especially when she starred in the first mummy move ever made.

Pola Negri spent her childhood in crushing poverty in Warsaw, Poland, but as a teenager she found success first as a ballet dancer and later as a celebrated stage actress. The coming World War I also saw the dawn of Negri's career as a screen siren--and after a string of box office successes in collaboration with German director Ernst Lubitsch, Negri was offered contracts in Hollywood. Negri's popularity in America in the early 1920s initially rivaled that which she had enjoyed in Europe, but when increasing film censorship limited her ability to play the sexy temptresses and sultry vamps she specialized in, and a series of publicity stunts she staged around the funeral of Rudolph Valentino which caused the public to sour on her, crippled her success. The arrival of the talkies was the final blow to her American film career, as her thick accent did not play well with audiences.

 Negri went back to Europe in 1933 with hopes of reviving her flagging career. She worked for a time in Germany, but, despite being one of Hitler's favorite actresses, was troubled by the violent and oppressive Nazi regime, In 1941, she returned to the United States. Her film career, however, was at an end.

Although most of her films were romances and dramas, Negri did star in a few of the earliest horror films. Among these are "The Dead Eyes" (1917), "The Devil's Pawn" (1918), "The Eyes of the Mummy" (1918), and "The Charmer" (1925).

Pola Negri passed away in 1987.

This nerd's revenge is no laughing matter

Slaughter High (1986)
Starring: Caroline Munro, Carmine Innaconne, Simon Scuddamore, Gary Martin, Billy Hartman, Michael Safran, Donna Yaeger, Kelly Baker, Josephine Scandi, and Sally Cross
Directors: George Dugdale, Mark Ezra, and Peter Mackenzie Litten
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

Ten years to the date after an April Fool's prank gone bad leaves a kid scarred and maimed for life, the clique of bullies who were at fault (led by Innaconne and Munroe) are invited to a class reunion at their now-closed high school. By the time they discover they are the only ones invited, they are locked in the building and being stalked by a homicidal maniac in a jester's mask.

"Slaughter High" belongs to a family of films that are as old as horror and thriller film genres themselves--a collection of more or less unlikeable characters are gathered together and made the subject of revenge by someone they wronged in the past. It's actually a plot that pre-dates film, but it's one that continues to be the driving force in so many films because it is an easy skeleton upon which to build a story that everyone can relate to.

This particular version of the very old story was, in 1986, a mix of hoary tradition and newer trends. It's got the mysterious masked figure, who's been around since silent films, with an uncanny ability to kill and vanish without a trace until he returns to kill again; and it's got the gory and sometimes bizarrely creative and unlikely murder methods that are the hallmark of the then relatively new Slasher Film subgenre. And just like the old time thrillers, the cast of victims are a bunch of louts who deserve some form of justice to be meted out against them. This mix of old and new resulted in a film that remains fun to watch even now... and which feels fresher and more original than the majority of modern slasher films and revenge thrillers you may be unfortunate enough to catch of cable television or, God help you, during an overpriced visit to your local movie theater. Even the gratuitous nudity that you expect in a film of this type and vintage turns out to not be quite so gratuitous, as it leads to one of more shocking double homicides you're ever likely to witness. (And it's also one of those moments where you may feel a little bit of guilt over laughing at what you're seeing unfold.)

One particularly strong point about the film is that it has a "surprising shock twist ending" that actually is just that. Not only that, but the mail story resolves itself in an unexpected fashion, which would have been a satisfying end all to itself, but the fact the filmmakers then give us an honest-to-God good twist ending denoument makes the film all the stronger and causes me to forgive what minor missteps I noticed along the way.

The fact the film has a strong cast lifts the film even further than the well-written story and fun kill scenes already did. The performances are even more noteworthy when one considers that this is a British film with British actors pretending to be Americans and yet there is only one dodgy accent in the bunch.

All in all, "Slaughter High" is an underrated classic of the Slasher Film genre. It's well worth checking out.



Trivia: This film's original title was "April Fools", which explains why the title song reference April Fool's Day, why the victim of the prank gone wrong is born on April Fool's Day, and why the action takes place on April Fool's Days ten years apart. The title was changed prior to release so as to avoid confusion with the Paramount Pictures release "April Fool's Day" which came out the same year.

Saturday Scream Queen: Myrna Loy

Myrna Loy is one of those actresses I've always felt would have been great in horror films, yet whose career barely touched on the genre. But, since this is my blog and my profile series, and since I wish she had been in more thrillers and chillers, I going to give her a moment in the spotlight,.am featuring her here.

Loy actually started her career on a path that seemed like it could lead to a career in horror films when they exploded in popularity in the 1930s. She began her film career during the waning days of silent movies, frequently playing exotic femme fatales. Unlike many of her fellow silent movie actresses, she made a successful transition to talkies where she continued for a time to play villainesses... until she transitioned into big-budget comedy and romantic dramas with what became her signature role of the hard-drinking, sharp-witted Nora Charles in the "Thin Man" series. It wasn't until very late in her acting career that she returned to the horror and thriller genres.

Loy's career spanned nearly 60 years and 129 movies. Among her noteworthy thrillers and horror films are "The Mask of Fu Manchu" (1932), "Midnight Lace" (1960), "Do Not Fold, Spindle, or Mutilate" (1971) "The Elevator" (1974) and  "Ants" (1977).

Myrna Loy passed away in 1993 at the age of 88.

'Dead Collections' has too much of a good thing

Dead Collections (2012)
Starring: Caitlyn Fletcher, Roberto Lombardi, Edward X. Young, Linnea Sage, Jerry Ross, Samuel L.M. Cole, and Suzi Lorraine
Director: John Orrichio
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

 Sara (Fletcher), left with a broken heart and a mountain of debt following her husband's suicide, moves in with her senile uncle (Cole) to regain her footing. But strange events start occurring in the house, indicating the house or Sara herself might be haunted by a ghost, even as a creepy funeral director (Young) and a homicidal debt collector (Lombardi) begin stalking her. The question becomes which will Sara lose first--her sanity or her life?

 "Dead Collections" is an entertaining and chilling film that features a talented cast that is supported by a script that features enough material for two or three films. And that is its downfall.

 As mentioned above, there are three perceived threats that close in on the main character as the film unfolds. That's not atypical for a film like this, but generally one or more turns out to be a red herring or ends up working in the main character's favor. The film doesn't exactly go in that direction--which I appreciate, as fresh approaches are needed in the horror genre these days--but the presence of a funeral director with more dark secrets than a shelf full of gothic romance novels, and a psychotic debt collector who won't take anything but payment in full as an answer in the same movie is too much of a good thing.

 Roberto Lombardi gives a consistently frightening performance as debt collector Thomas Callan, and I could easily see myself giving this film a rating of Seven if he had been the major villain and the funeral director had been reduced to a minor threat or completely removed.

 Edward X. Young is equally menacing in his part, and I could likewise see myself giving a film featuring him as the major villain (perhaps titled "Wake" or "Vigil") a rating of Seven.

 Heck, I could even see myself possibly giving a Seven rating to a film where Caitlyn Fletcher, as Sara, is trying to put her life back together while living in a haunted house and dealing with the harassment of either a creepy funeral director or a pushy bill collector, who ultimately turn out to have played a role in her husband's death.

 But having all these elements, and two intensely evil characters receiving equal play as they zero in on the same target becomes too much of a good thing and loads this single story with way more than it can bear. It means more characters than is good for a film of this kind, and, perhaps worse, it leads to a muddling of timelines and plots. (The passage of time is a real issue in this film... some events that feel like they occur days apart--and probably should--must happen within the same afternoon from the way the film flows. Similarly, events that seem like they happen at the same time don't, as it's must be one time of day at the house where Sara is while another time of day elsewhere in the world.

 For all my griping, there is a lot to like about this film--and that's WHY I'm griping. As mentioned, I like the entire cast. There's lots of nice camerawork and the effects are decent for a movie at this budget level. The film is trim and free of padding, always a welcome thing. The music soundtrack is subtle and well-deployed. The film kept me engaged all the way to the very end, which is the greatest praise I can give a movie considering the seemingly endless backlog of DVDs that are forever awaiting my attention. In fact, the film is strong enough that the "shock ending" didn't bother me half as much as it usually does... but it the end, "Dead Collections" falls victim to being too much of a collection of characters and plot-threads.

It's still better than the majority of horror films being released these days... and far FAR better than the only other movie I can think of that I felt had a similar problem of colliding stories and villians--"Scream and Scream Again". (Which I reposted just before putting this review up, so you can read my take on that film, too, if you like.)

Scream for help if someone forces you to watch "Scream and Scream Again"

Scream and Scream Again (1970)
Starring: Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Marshall Jones, Peter Cushing and Christopher Matthews
Director: Gordon Hessler
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

One day, during the Swingin' Sixties, three clerks collided in the hall of American International Productions. Each and been carrying a film script--one was a supernatural/political thriller set within a fictitious East bloc country, the other was a modern-day psycho-vampire flick set in London, and the third was a mad doctor/Frankenstein flick--and the pages went everywhere. They tried their best to sort them out properly, but in the end the three scripts were hopelessly jumbled together. In the hopes of covering their sloppiness, they simply put the three mish-mash "scripts" in for review. One ended up being green-lighted by an indifferent executive. A shooting script was then approved by a drunk producer. Stoned and tripping directors then went about finding actors, and soon principle photography on "Scream and Scream Again" was underway.


I don't know if that story accurately describes how "Scream and Scream Again" came to be produced, but it's a more generous explanation than one that assumes this incoherent and disjointed movie was intended to be this way.

For more than 3/4ths of the picture there is barely a connection between the various plots, except for a single actor who crosses over between the two. And when they do come together, it's only barely and it's not in any way that seems terribly well thought out. (A sign of the complete confusion that reins in this film is even evident in the theatrical preview where the actor who is identified as Peter Cushing is actually Marshall Jones.)

The story, such as it is, starts with a series of "vampire murders" in London. It turns out that these are being perpetrated by the creation of a mad scientist (Vincent Price) who is working as part of a global secret scientific society to create a superior human race through surgery. When the police refuse to investigate due to political pressure a young coroner (Christopher Matthews) starts doing his own investigation. He is soon in over his head and that's when things get really stupid.

Although Cushing, Lee, and Price get top billing, Cushing is only in one scene (and it's a pointless one at that) and Lee's presence isn't much more than Cushing's. Price's role is larger and very important to the story, but his screen time is still very limited and he doesn't have much to do. His presence is almost as big a waste as that of Cushing and Lee.

And the score, the easy-listening rock/jazz fusion score, is almost too painful for words!

All in all, this film should go on the "must-miss" list, except for those who might be looking for the worst "day-for-night" shots since Ed Wood stopped making Z-grade thrillers and turned to Z-grade pornos. It makes the worst of the Hammer Film efforts look like the work of Orson Wells. What's even more embarrassing for this film is that it looks like it probably had a bigger budget than several Hammer Films combined, based on the number of locations and aerial shots featured.